Are u a Negative Thinker???

This is the kind of negative self-talk that feeds low self-esteem, anxiety and

depression. Negative self-talk is an accumulation of self-limiting messages that has become a habit. Breaking this destructive habit is possible, though it takes repetition and practice to learn more constructive and helpful ways of thinking.

Most negative self-talk is false, distorted, irrational, and self-defeating. We develop a habit of negative self-talk to protect ourselves. We use it to keep from trying things that may be scary or uncomfortable. "I can't do this" may really be a way of saying: "I don't want to face the risk of failing at this."

But our feelings don't have to control us. We can choose not to feel angry, guilty or frustrated. But to develop this control, we must learn to recognize negative self-talk and replace it with positive thoughts.  Talk to yourself as though you were talking to a friend, asking yourself what you could say in place of the negative thought.

Negative thoughts often come so automatically that we are unaware of them. We start to feel anxious, sad or depressed, but we do not notice the thoughts that are causing us to feel that way. In order to counter these thoughts and feel better, we first need to "catch ourselves in the act" of negative self talk.

Examine your self talk. Test the validity of your perceptions by asking yourself questions, such as:

What evidence backs up this thought?

Am I jumping to negative conclusions?

Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?

What is the worst thing that could happen?

How likely is it?

What is the best that can happen?

What is most likely to happen?

Is thinking this way helping me to feel good or to achieve my goals?

 

Negative self-talk:

Are you experiencing any of these destructive kinds of thinking?

Types of negative thinking:

Negative thoughts are usually distorted.  We have trouble seeing things as they really are, often exaggerating our thoughts.

The following is a list of ways our thinking can be distorted:

1. Filtering:  You see and hear only the things you have selected.  Your attention is awakened only by particular kinds of information loss, rejection, unfairness, and so on.  You have blind spots that obscure evidence of your worth.  It’s as though you only let in the information that matches the way you feel about yourself.

2. Polarizing:  This is often referred to as “black and white’ thinking.  This can be particularly damaging to self-esteem, since you will see yourself as worthless if you aren’t absolutely perfect.  Watch for self-talk that sounds like “If I mess this up, I’m a hopeless failure.”

3. Overgeneralization:  This is a common distortion that plagues a lot of us.  It has to do with taking one isolated fact or event and making a general rule out of it.  For example, one date with an ice skater does not go well, so you decide that all ice skaters will find you boring.  When you hear these words in your self-talk, listen up!  These are clues to overgeneralization: never, always, all, every, none, everyone, nobody, etc.

4. Mind Reading:  This is when your self-talk assumes that everyone else is exactly like you.  Mind reading is fatal to self-esteem, because you are especially liable to think that everyone agrees with your negative opinions of yourself.  When you mind read, you think your perception is right and you act as if it is right, never stopping to check out what other people’s reality is.  Say you have a friend who frowns a lot.  You leap to conclusions without any real evidence that they are mad at you.

5. Self-blame:  You blame yourself for everything, whether it’s your fault or not.  You feel responsible for things that are out of your control.

6. Personalization:  This is the “it’s all about me” self-talk.  The way this shows up in negative self-talk and damages your self-esteem is that any time there is mention of a problem, you automatically assume that they are talking about you.   You negatively compare yourself to others.

7. Control Fallacies:  Control fallacies either put you in control of the whole universe, or put everyone but you in charge.  You struggle to control every aspect of every situation.  You hold yourself responsible for everything that goes wrong.  You either feel that you have total responsibility for everything, or feel that you have no control and are a helpless victim always waiting for someone else to fix things.

8. Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you and you feel guilty if you violate the rules.

9. Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure them enough.  You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

10. Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a global judgment.  If you catch yourself fixing labels on everything that once and for all defines them in a negative light, watch yourself. You may be labeling things as a way to avoid dealing with them in a dynamic way.  Here are some clues: My house is a pigsty, I’m a poor money manager, my boss is a grouch, my roommate is a slob, I’m awful at math, etc.

Positive Self-Talk:

Write down a positive and nurturing statement that counteracts the negative self-talk. For example, change:

"I'll never get this done" to "I've been on tight deadlines before and I usually manage to get the job done."

"I'll never survive this." to "I have come through worse than this"

"I can't sleep thinking about this." to "This isn't worth worrying about - I'm going to let it go"

"I can't do this." to "This is an opportunity to learn something new."

Positive self-talk can be motivating, build self confidence, and keep you focused on accomplishing goals. It coaches you to succeed despite the obstacles you face. If you're thinking: "I don't have the energy to exercise", replace the negative thought with a positive and encouraging one: "I can start slowly by going for a short walk."

Practice thinking positive thoughts every day:

I will lose weight because I am learning to eat more nutritiously.

I am a kind person.

I have had successes in my career and I will have more successes in my career.      

I deserve to pursue happiness.

This is an opportunity to learn and grow.

I try to surround myself with supportive, positive people.

I can accomplish this goal by taking it one step at a time.

Record your observations in a notebook and refer to it when you find yourself experiencing negative self talk.

Learn to turn your negative self-talk to positive self-talk and watch your mood improve.

Sometimes it is easier to recognize negative thought patterns with a little help from a trusted friend or counselor.   Working on changing thought patterns is part of a type of therapy called cognitive therapy.

Taken from:
http://recoveryhope4all.com/negativethinker.html

 

Original source from:

University of California, Berkeley (http://www.uhs.berkley.edu/facstaff/care/negativethinking.shtml)

Develop the Habit of Healthy Self -Talk! (http://healthyhabits.com/selfTalk.asp)

Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions. By: Dr Sarah Edelman and Louise       Rémond

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